TL;DR — Spyware and “stalkerware” apps designed to monitor a partner’s phone are rising. Know the signs (battery drain, strange texts, unknown apps, high data use), harden your devices (update OS, remove unknown apps, change passwords, enable 2-factor auth), and take safety-first steps if you suspect you’re being monitored (document evidence, get tech help, reach out to trusted people or authorities). Consent matters — surveillance in relationships is abusive and often illegal.

Why Digital Stalking is on the Rise

As smartphones have become central to daily life, they also became attractive targets for surveillance. Spyware — apps or tools installed to secretly monitor calls, messages, location, microphone, or camera — is now sold openly as “phone tracking” or “monitoring” software. While some services advertise legitimate uses (e.g., parental controls, lost-phone tracking), the same tools are misused in relationships to control, intimidate or stalk partners. This blog explains how to spot the signs, practical steps to protect yourself, what to do if you discover spyware, and how to address the emotional and legal side of digital surveillance.

What is Relationship Spyware/Stalkerware?

Stalkerware refers to apps or services installed on a target’s device without their informed consent. Capabilities vary, but commonly include:

• Real-time GPS location tracking
• Reading SMS, instant messages and call logs
• Listening to phone calls or ambient audio
• Accessing photos, videos and browsing history
• Remote activation of camera/microphone
• Keylogging (capturing typed text)

These tools can be commercial “monitoring” apps, customized spyware, or abuse of legitimate device management features.

Warning Signs You May be Monitored

No single sign proves surveillance, but several together raise the risk:

• Unusual battery drain — Spy apps run in background and use power.
• High/mobile data usage spikes — Frequent uploads of data (photos, logs) increase data use.
• Strange background noise on calls — Interference, echo, or faint clicks might indicate call interception or another device connected.
• New/unfamiliar apps — Apps you didn’t install (especially if they hide or use generic icons).
• Phone behaves oddly — Reboots, slow performance, overheating.
• Pop-ups or unknown subscriptions — Unexpected charges, or SMS with verification codes you didn’t request.
• Settings changed — Device admin enabled, unknown profiles or certificates installed (often on Android/iOS enterprise profiles).
• Accounts logged out or password reset emails — Indicates someone trying to access your accounts.
• Contacts receive messages from you that you didn’t send — Could be a sign of account compromise.

If several signs are present, treat it seriously.

Related post: Children’s Privacy Online; How Kids’ Games and Apps Collect Data for Advertisers

Immediate Safety Steps (if you suspect monitoring)

1. Move to a safer location if you’re in immediate danger. Prioritize personal safety.
2. Do not confront the alleged monitor alone if you fear escalation. Consider trusted friends, family or local support organizations.
3. Document evidence — take screenshots of odd apps, settings, battery/data usage graphs, and suspicious messages. Keep timestamps.
4. Turn off the device or disconnect from networks (Airplane mode) if you need privacy for a short time. Note: some spyware can queue data to upload later.
5. Use a different device to change passwords and notify trusted contacts (don’t use a device you think is compromised to communicate sensitive info).
6. Get technical help — a reputable technician, privacy-savvy friend, or a cybersecurity clinic can inspect your device safely.
7. Contact authorities / legal aid if you are being stalked or harassed; stalking and unauthorized access are illegal in many jurisdictions.
8. Reach out for emotional support — domestic abuse hotlines, counselors or support groups can help.

How to Detect and Remove Spyware — Practical Steps

Quick checks (non-technical)

• Open the app drawer and check for apps with generic names like “Updater,” “System Service,” or unfamiliar names.
• On Android: go to Settings → Apps → see running apps/permissions.
• On iPhone: look for unfamiliar profiles (Settings → General → VPN & Device Management). Hidden spyware may use configuration profiles.
• Check battery and data usage (Settings → Battery / Network usage) for unusual apps using disproportionate resources.

Technical steps

• Back up important data (to an external drive or encrypted cloud) before major actions.
• Update your OS — latest patches close security holes attackers exploit.
• Uninstall suspicious apps — if the app is listed and can be removed, uninstall it. Note some stalkerware uses device admin privileges; disable those first (Android: Settings → Security → Device admin apps).
• Run reputable mobile security/anti-malware scans — choose well-known vendors with good reviews; many security apps can detect stalkerware.
• Change critical account passwords from a separate, safe device and enable 2-factor authentication (2FA). Use an authenticator app or hardware key where possible.
• Factory reset — when in doubt, a full reset to factory settings removes most spyware. After reset, reinstall apps selectively and restore only clean backups. This is the most reliable technical fix when you suspect deep compromise.
• Check paired devices — Bluetooth or paired watch/earbuds could be used as listening devices; unpair suspicious devices.
• Secure cloud accounts — check account activity (recent logins), revoke unknown device access, and review app permissions on Google/Apple accounts.
• For rooted/jailbroken phones — these can be harder to secure; consider professional help and re-flash firmware if necessary.

Note: If you suspect a sophisticated targeted attack (custom spyware, persistent access), consult a digital forensics professional.

Prevention: Make Your Devices Harder to Compromise

• Keep software up to date (OS and apps).
• Avoid jailbreaking or rooting your device — it weakens built-in security.
• Install apps only from official stores and review app permissions carefully.
• Use strong, unique passwords and a password manager.
• Enable two-factor authentication on key accounts (email, social media, cloud).
• Lock your SIM with a PIN to reduce SIM swap risk.
• Use a screen lock (PIN, passcode, biometrics) and set short auto-lock times.
• Turn off “Install from Unknown Sources” on Android.
• Be cautious with device lending — someone with brief access can install monitoring software.
• Review device admin and profile settings regularly.
• Turn off Bluetooth and Wi-Fi when not needed, and avoid auto-connect to public networks.
• Encrypt phone backup and use secure cloud services with strong security practices.

Related post: Voice Assistants as Silent Listeners; What Alexa, Siri, and Google Keep About You

Handling the Relationship Side — How to Talk About it

Digital surveillance is often part of coercive or controlling behavior. If you decide to discuss the issue:

• Prioritize your safety. If you fear retaliation, avoid direct confrontation; seek support first.
• Use calm, non-accusatory language (if safe): “I found unexpected apps and I’m worried about my privacy. Can we talk about boundaries and why this happened?”
• Offer boundaries and solutions: agree to no accessing each other’s devices without consent, set expectations for privacy, or suggest couples counseling.
• If the partner admits misuse, consider seeking couple or individual therapy. If they deny or escalate, involve trusted others or authorities.

Legal and Ethical Considerations

• Surveillance without consent may be illegal depending on your country/state and the method used. Laws often cover unauthorized access, stalking, harassment, and privacy violations.
• Keep records of evidence (screenshots, messages, logs) for legal proceedings.
• If you’re unsure about laws in your area, consult local legal aid or organizations supporting survivors of domestic abuse.

Resources and Checklist

Immediate Checklist

• Move to safety if at risk
• Document suspicious behavior (screenshots, timestamps)
• Change passwords from a different device
• Enable 2FA on email and cloud accounts
• Run a malware scan and uninstall unknown apps
• Disable unknown device admin profiles/configuration profiles
• Back up important files, then perform factory reset if needed
• Seek tech help if you’re unsure
• Contact local support/authorities if stalked or threatened.

Emotional/Organizational Resources

• Trusted friends or family
• Local domestic violence hotlines and shelters
• Legal aid clinics or privacy advocacy groups
• Counseling and mental health professionals

From Awareness to Action

Trust and privacy are pillars of healthy relationships. Secretly monitoring a partner is a serious breach of trust and can be abusive or criminal. Protect your devices like you protect your physical safety: be vigilant, maintain good security hygiene, and don’t hesitate to get help if you suspect you’re being watched. If you want, I can now help you with any of the following right away: a step-by-step device checklist tailored to Android or iPhone, a message template for confronting a partner safely, or a printable one-page privacy checklist. Which would be most useful?